Help Meet Book Study - Taking A Break

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot do a weekly update on this book. We recently started a new Bible study on Daniel with our home group. So that, combined with the Help Meet book, and my daily Isaiah study for church is quite a bit for me, especially since I rarely find time to sit down and read these days. I will pick back up on this study at another time within the year.

Created to be His Help Meet - Ch. 6. The Beginning of Wisdom

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." Psalm 111:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" Proverbs 9:10
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." Proverbs 1:7

I like how Debi puts states it, "A Christian life without fear is a religious life without a living God." It seems so easy to fear God, yet we all get wrapped up in lives lived without fear. We place our faith in our religious practices, our spirituality, our own interpretations and conclusions. We become perfectly content with ourselves that we begin to lack in our fear of the LORD. This brings us in a place where we do not fear God and we do not realize that only HE has the truth. If our actions and decisions are not made based on what God has already spoken through His Word (the Bible) we are not fearing Him enough to trust that what He says is best.

What I take from this chapter:

We cannot only read parts of the Bible and not the Bible in its entirety. This is disobedience and lack of fear of the LORD. Example: The Crazy Lady - she obviously had some knowledge of the Bible, but not accurate or thorough knowledge of truth. She also ignored all parts that discussed the wife's submission to her husband.

We cannot base our lives around "a word" we receive from the LORD. That is, words we "hear" the Lord speak to us. God does speak to men, however when He speaks it is never in contradiction with the words He has already spoken. To receive a contradictory "word from the Lord" and say with certainty that it is from the LORD is blasphemous. It is to say that our emotions, thoughts, and opinions ARE the LORD, thus putting words in His mouth. It appears to be trusting the LORD but it really is trusting in yourself. It is to say, "This is what I think, therefore it must be from the Lord." That is such a dangerous way to think. Wisdom (knowledge of truth) comes from the LORD. This is why I believe we should never say, "The Lord told me to do this." If that "word" you speak turns out to simply be from YOU, you will have put words into the LORD's mouth. I believe the only time you can say, "The LORD says this.." is if it is not, in any way, contradictory to what the Bible says.

Only through fear of the LORD comes wisdom and only through that wisdom can the truth be seen.

As a woman I am a very emotional and my thoughts and opinions are strong. I know that these emotions can influence my behaviors and actions. If I am unable to discern what is from the LORD and what is from demons and sinful nature, I am in a whole heap of trouble because then any "word from the Lord" that I receive is not trustworthy. To have the discernment that I need to know that what I learn is from the LORD, I need to begin with a fear of the LORD and pray daily for wisdom. That is where true knowledge of the things of God comes from.

"No woman has ever been happy and fulfilled who neglected to obey God in regard to her role as a help meet."

I absolutely agree with her on this statement. Not just because I have seen it repeatedly (even within my own family) but simply because I know that disobeying God brings discontentment.


Goals of the Week:

1) Pray for Wisdom daily.
2) Work on being joyful and having a merry heart.
3) Discover any bitterness I may have towards my husband and get rid of it.
4) Help my husband. Help my husband. AND...Help my husband.
5) Find the definition for the word odious. (Proverbs 30:21-23)


One more thought...

I wonder what happened to the Crazy Lady.

Study - To be Continued

Help Meet Participants...

Now you can add your posts to the list all on your own! I finally figured out Mr. Linky. Woohoo! Scroll down to the previous Created to be His Help Meet book study post and you'll see what I mean.

Created to be His Help Meet - Ch. 5: The Gift of Wisdom

Do you have enough fear of God not to question his word? - Debi Pearl

This week the book has switched gears from thankfulness to wisdom. What exactly does it mean to be wise? I have often wondered about this (which is probably why I have an entire blog dedicated to Learning and Discerning). The very basic definition of wisdom according to dictionary.com is this: "The quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight."

Where does wisdom come from? Wisdom comes from God alone. We grow in our wisdom through communication with God (prayer), reading His Word (The Bible), and constantly maintaining an eternal vision and perspective (understanding where we stand with God). We need to be asking God for wisdom daily! I think about how many questions I have per day that go unanswered because I do not ask God for the wisdom that I need. We learn from James 1:5 that if we are lacking in wisdom, all we need to do is ask for it and the Lord will provide. How incredible is it that we can ask the God who created the universe for wisdom and he will give it to us?? It's pretty phenomenal if you ask me.

I'm a stay-at-home wife and mother try to be the best help to my husband as possible and the best mother as possible. Every day I realize that I fall short of being the "best" wife or the "best" mother. Instead of sitting around wallowing in self-pity and concerned with how much I don't know motherhood and being a wife, I need to ask God for wisdom and he will provide all the answers.

"It doesn't take a good man, or even a saved man, for a woman to have a heavenly marriage, but it does take a woman willing to honor God by being the kind of wife God intended."

I think this quote pretty much sums up the entire book. We were created to be a wonderful and delightful gift to our husbands; to be a true help meet. Even if our husbands are harsh, arrogant, and prideful it is still our job to treat our husbands with honor, submission, and love! Growing in wisdom is the only way to successfully be who God created us to be.

Additional thoughts on this chapter:

I LOVE the entire section she has written on "What Does the Bible Say?" She does an amazing job at defending the truths concerning biblical womanhood. It also served as a reminder to me that when I look up words in Greek or Hebrew, or read commentaries on a specific passage in the Bible, I should check multiple resources before coming to a definitive decision.

God's Words:

Ephesians 5:22-24 - Wives, submit to your OWN husbands; the husband is the head of the wife.
Colossians 3:18 - Again, submit to your OWN husband.
1 Corinthians 11:3 - The head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.
Titus 2: 3-5 - The aged women are called to teach the younger women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands. All so that the word of God will not be blasphemed.

Goals for this week:

1. Pray and ask God for wisdom! Do this every day.
2. Do a thorough Study of the word "Wisdom", find and study other passages in the Bible that discuss the topic of wisdom.
3. Read the next chapter before next Tuesday ;)


Continue onto the next chapter: The Beginning of Wisdom

Created to be His Help Meet - Ch. 4: Thanksgiving Produces Joy

Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness, and joy, and enjoy all your moments as if they were your last.

This week my husband and I both had our struggles with stress and at least in my case, it had to do entirely with my lack of joy and thanksgiving. If my husband does something differently than I think it should be done, I only partially respond rightly - I do not say anything demeaning, because I know that it is better for him to do it his way, even if the end result is not so good. However, I am such a perfectionist that if something is not done in the way I think it should be done, I become very bitter and I find myself thinking, "I wish he would just ____" in a number of different situations.

In this chapter, Debi says, "As a general rule, my husband just doesn't take the trash out. I could be annoyed, or I could learn to enjoy taking the trash out. " This is not to say my husband never takes the trash out, but it serves as an example of a way I can be more joyful in my home. I need to adapt to my husband's way of doing things and not force my own way on him. It is my job to help him and be thankful for all the things he lovingly helps me with. It is not my job to constantly request his help or have a bitter attitude when he does not do things the way that I want them done. No good can come from this type of attitude. Even if I have good reason to be offended, it is not my job to change my husband. It is my job to help him. I must begin to view myself as the woman God gave to this man. I am a helper, a gift, a playmate, a friend, a lover; everything I do should benefit my husband, because that is the only way God can be glorified through my marriage.

"And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing." Psalm 107:22

"But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD. - Jonah 2:9 (KJV)



A few goals for this week...

1) For my husband and I: Be heirs together in the grace of life, not partners in stress and bitterness.
2) Continue to enjoy each other every day. Laugh, love, play, share. Just have fun.
3) Thank God for every good thing he has provided me with in my life.
4) Be THANKFUL for everything my amazing husband does.

"When a weak sister fulfills her divine purpose of being a true help meet, it bring great glory and joy to God."

Continue onto the next chapter: The Gift of Wisdom

Created to be his Help Meet - Ch. 3 : A Thankful Spirit

Chapter 3: A Thankful Spirit --- A wise woman sets a joyful mood in her home. Through laughter, music, and happy times, she creates a positive attitude in her children. She knows that a lighthearted home relieves her husband of stress.

My goals this week:

1) Be a better help to my husband.
2) Practice having a merry and thankful heart.
3) Learn to be more content with Sioux Falls.
4) Set a joyful mood in my home!

"Discontentment is not a matter of circumstances, it is a state of the soul." - Debi Pearl

I learned when I was very young that no good can come from discontentment. I'm very much against the word, "bored" and I will *very* rarely choose to use the word. I even wrote a blog post about it last year. God has blessed us with so much more than we deserve and every second of this life should be spent glorifying Him and thanking Him for all He has blessed us with. Having a thankful spirit leads us to contentment with our every day lives and the result is a joyful and stress free home! We should make good use of the short amount of time we have here on this earth. As a wife I want to do all I can to help my husband and remain thankful for all the work he does. Every day I find myself wondering how he does it all. He works incredibly hard and he is still the most amazing husband I've ever known. I don't deserve a husband like him - he treats me better than any other person I've met in my lifetime.

Philippians 4:11 -".... for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

This chapter actually helped bring up a problem that I have been having with discontentment. It doesn't really have anything to do with my husband though - I am thankful for him and what he does every single day. My problem has to do with where we are currently living.

We moved here two and a half years ago from San Diego, CA - I never had any intentions of ever leaving San Diego. I loved it there, it was a place that many people can only dream about living in and I grew up there, it was all I ever knew. We had amazing weather (WARMTH!!!) the mountains nearby, the beach was right there, there was always something to do - somewhere to go, friends to see, amusement parks, etc. The greatest thing of all though was my family. Nearly everyone in my family was an hour or less away from me. Now I am in a state that I never knew people actually lived in. I'm far away from my friends & family and I really really really miss the ocean. Now I'm in a place that people don't want to visit because its, "too cold" - it's cold for 6 months out of the year, and all this city is surrounded by is farms. Miles and miles of flat land, and no ocean... it's the complete opposite of what I knew in San Diego.

With that said, there are so many benefits to living here that I cannot even list them all. This is an incredible place to live for a multitude of reasons, and obviously - since we are here - it is God's will for us that we remain here for the time being. I need to learn to find beauty in the flat farm lands, I need to learn to enjoy the small festivals that go on during the summer, I need to be grateful for the time that it IS warm here in Sioux Falls, and I need to learn to just be content here.

It's difficult when I miss CA so much to be totally content with living here in South Dakota. It is something I really need to work on. I think maybe I'll compile a list (you know how I love lists!) of all the wonderful things about Sioux Falls. I don't think I'll ever stop missing California but my attitude towards Sioux Falls and the state of South Dakota could definitely improve.


More participants in this Book Study:


Christina @ A Homemaker's Journal
Tammie @ Book of Rememberance

Continue onto the next chapter: Thanksgiving Produces Joy!

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Created to be his Help Meet - Ch. 2 : A Merry Heart

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. - Proverbs 17:22 (ESV)

A joyful (merry) heart is good medicine. This is true in more ways than one! It helps to keep you healthy and it helps to heal when you are ill. In this chapter of Created to be his Help Meet, Debi Pearl shows us the benefits of having a merry heart and the horrible effects of having a crushed spirit. While I'm the last person to ever promote the ridiculous notion of self-esteem, I do believe it is good to consistently examine yourself to see where you stand with God, with your family, and with your health.

For a while now I've been leaning more towards being one with a crushed spirit rather than having a merry/joyful heart. My entire life I have always been very focused on myself and my own well-being -- especially in my teens and into my 20's. Our entire culture screams "Go you! Go you!" "Do what you want to do!" and I bought into it. Since I have been married, my focus has changed pretty drastically and definitely has improved, but lately over the past 2 1/2 years I have remained bitter on a few specific areas in our life. So, I decided to make a list of a few things that would result from me choosing to have a merry heart vs. a crushed spirit. This is what I came up with.

If I have a Merry (joyful) Heart:

- God is GLORIFIED! :o) That alone is reason enough to have a merry heart.
- My husband will be happier, joyous, and more willing to love and cherish me the way that he ought to.
- My household will run much smoother.
- My health will improve (and perhaps...my face will clear up....haha)
- My entire outlook on life would improve dramatically.


A Crushed Spirit:

In this chapter we find a rather long response by Debi written to a woman who wrote to her about her husband who had been emotionally cheating on her with another woman. To sum up Debi's response, it was quite the opposite of what many in the world would tell you to do. This is a case you would typically see result in divorce. Debi's advice to this woman was not to bring her husband down even further by criticizing him, but rather try to bring him back to his senses, back to his promise. She basically told the woman to maintain a "merry heart" and to make an effort to "win" her man back by treating him the the way that a wife should. I remember first reading this story over two years ago while I was at my beach (Oceanside, oh how I miss you Oceanside...), I was 21 years old, just about to get married, and I think that it was at that moment that I decided the word "divorce" would never be mentioned in our household. I have seen the devastating results of divorce and had long since decided that I would never participate in such a disgraceful act, but after reading this story, I realized that even infidelity is not enough to break apart a marriage and it was very encouraging to me. I know my husband would never even think to do such a thing, but by knowing that if we choose to follow God's will for a husband and wife ( such as having a merry heart when affliction strikes), we would make it through something as terrible as infidelity. That gave me the encouragement I needed to know that we will make it through everything we go through, because God is first in our marriage.

By having a merry heart we wives are able to be a help meet to our husbands, by having a crushed spirit we are only serving ourselves and fulfilling our purposes as wives. Having a crushed spirit and a 'poor me' attitude could indeed be detrimental to your relationship with your husband and could lead him to seek love and respect elsewhere.

My goals this week are to:

1) You guessed it... smile more! :)
2) Be JOYFUL! Work on having a cheerful countinance and glow.
3) Worry less.
4) Continue to find new ways to help my husband.
5) Never critisize my husband or say anything that would be disrespectful to him. I've made a point ever since our Wedding to not treat him poorly but even so - I'm still a sinner and I still disrespect him sometimes.


Other Participants in this Book Study:

Christina @ A Homemaker's Journey
Tammie @ Book of Remembrance

Continue on to the next chapter: A Thankful Spirit


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Created to be his Help Meet Ch. 1 - God's Gift

"And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" - Genesis 2:18

Up until this point everything that God had created he completed by saying, "it is good." However, after creating man we see that something was not good, it was not yet complete. I believe this "pause" between the creation of man and woman was well intended. God created man, he established his purpose in the world, and it was not until after this that He created woman. This established a form of leadership that Adam had. 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 states that the woman was made for the man, not the man for the woman. This does not mean that the woman was made to be the man's slave. In no place does it ever imply that the woman is to do do the man's bidding no matter what the circumstances are, there are, however, few exceptions. What this does mean is that women were created to serve as one who helps, which is a good thing. Eve was a wonderful gift created for Adam. She was exactly what He needed, perfectly suitable to him and equal to him in a way that none of the animals were.

The woman was created to be a help meet. When I first picked up this book my first thought was, "What is a help meet?"

The Hebrew word used here is "ezer" which is used 21 times in the Bible and it literally means a help. There is a lot more about this that I'd love to write but I think I should save it for future posts. This position as a helper puts the woman in a state of necessary submission, but not slavehood. As husband and wife we become one person and we are to function as one, however the only way for this to really occur is to have one main decision maker, otherwise there inevitabley will be conflict within this marriage and there can no longer be oneness.

In a feminist culture such as ours it is very difficult for women to understand why roles are important within a marriage. Men and women were absolutely created equal, which is why many of the women's rights activists were right to fight for equal rights in many areas, but not all areas. God did create us as equals but he also established a level of authority within marriage, just as he has for every social order in which we live in. As Americans we are all equal, but we still have authorities to which we must submit to. Leadership is absolutely necessary for any form of social order. Whether this leadership is within the state, the family, the church, a business, etc. Just because someone is in a higher leadership position it does not mean that person is of any more importance.

Today we inaugurated a new President, he was placed there by God and he is there to serve his country, to lead it with the ultimate goal to keep it functioning properly. Yet, he is only a man and one man alone cannot do much, he must have help. The President himself is the one who will make tough decisions and will work to do his job well, however he has many many helpers -- the Vice President in particular, that serve to help him do his job better. In the sight of God, each person involved is of the same level of importance, the only difference between them is their position in leadership and what tasks they will take on to help our country function. Our country was founded on these principles of God's social order because it is the best way to function. The same goes for within a marriage. There must be one in leadership for it to function properly as God designed it.

God designed marriage for many purposes, the most important one of all is to glorify Him and to exemplify Him. Marriage is not just a simple social practice it is a divine institution ordained by God himself. If you are a wife, you have a divine calling! It is the will of God that you serve your husband to the best of your ability, even if that involves making sacrifices. The woman was a gift to the man. Your husband's job is to serve the Lord, to love you, and to protect and provide for his children. As wives, it is our job to help and serve our husbands as they are living to serve the Lord. When this is done, the family flourishes! The blessings that result from a submissive wife and a God glorifying husband are unbelieveabley incredible.

What really sticks out to me in this chapter is the question that basically asks that if God were to create a perfectly suited woman for my husband, would I be that woman? I considered this for a while and I quickly realized that I absolutely am that woman. Over the past two years I have been AMAZED at how inredibley perfect (and suitable) we are for each other. He excels at the things I struggle with and likewise, I do well in areas he does not. At the same time, we share common interests and many of our life goals are the same. With that said, I am nowhere near the perfect wife. I know there are many areas in which I must improve that will help my husband do his job better. I hope that with the advice given by Debi Pearl in this book I am able to identify a few things that are in signifcant need of improving.

She lists a few things to ask that God work into my character, and I agree that these things are necessary to living the life of a biblical woman:

1. Virtue
2. Graciousness
3. Wisdom
4. Prudence
5. Goodness (even though none of us are truly "good" it is good to do what is good as defined by God)

She ends the chapter with "A good Help meet has a Passion to be of Service". This week as I intend to focus on what ways I can be a better help to my husband. I also need to pray that God will help me with all of the things listed above. These are all things we women should stive for every day of our life.

That is all I have for today in response to this chapter. I wrote a lot but it's not entirely what I had hoped to write. I wrote this in kind of a rush...my daugher is having a tough day. Right now as a type this she is screaming because she does not want to go to sleep even though she is soo sooo tired. Please pray for her, and pray for me and my ability to stay patient.

Other participants posts concerning Chapter 1 - God's Gift:

Laura @ God Shall Bless Us...
Christina @ A Homemaker's Journal

Continue on to the next chapter: A Merry Heart

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Created To Be His Help Meet -- Intro

Submission. It is not a dirty word, yet our culture views it as one. Modern culture will have you believe that to be submissive is to have no self confidence, no independence, and no originality, to basically be a doormat that allows anyone and anything to walk all over them. Even within the church you will find women who refuse to believe that God has designed men and women to uphold specific roles. We are trained as young children to be individuals, we are told to "be all that we can be" and self-esteem is viewed as one of the most important things we must develop in our early years. With all this focus on the self, it is no wonder that the God given roles of men and women have begun to disappear. Our culture has forgotten God. Men are no longer men, women are no longer women. The old roles of men and women are no longer viewed as politically correct - our God, the one which this country was founded for, has been replaced by politics. Submission is a remarkable social order and it is used not just between men and women but between multiple social orders of God's design and even within his own triune nature.

Biblical submission by the wife to the husband is one that is extremely difficult for our culture to understand. We are SO far gone from our biblical roles as men and women that even the idea of submission is difficult to understand. The fact is: Men and women are very different and there are very specific reasons for those differences. Women did not just happen to be physically weaker and more emotional than men, just as men did not just happen to be generally stronger, more authoritative, and less emotional than women.

I believe that this world was created by God. He created everything with a purpose, and that includes men and women. Being that I am a woman, I see it fit to devote some time to studying what the Bible says about women - why God created women, what He has called women to do, and how our roles as women glorify Him.

The book titled Created to be his Help Meet by Debi Pearl does an amazing job at capturing the current state of mind of most women today, and she does a phenomenal job of identifying the benefits of (and really the absolute necessities for) having a Biblical perspective on womanhood. Debi has spent over 30 years learning what it is to be her husband's help meet, and now she has supplied us younger women with a plethora of wonderful Godly wisdom in this book. What I enjoy about this book is her ability to explain why submission is so important. Most importantly, she is able to explain these things from a completely Biblical perspective, and I think that is why I admire her writing in this book.


Continue on to Chapter 1 - "God's Gift"

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What is Biblical Submission?

This week I am taking a look at what Biblical Submission is and what it is not. The word submit in today's society is not used very often. We submit to those who are in authority of us - the police, our boss at work, the President, etc. However, the hot topic these days is the idea of the husband being in any authority over the wife. This idea is now intolerable in our society thanks to the feminist movement which proudly proclaims that the place of the woman is to be in the exact same position as the man. After all, aren't we all created as equals? (By the way, where did this idea of being "created" and the idea of equality come from in the first place? The Bible. But it has been severely taken out of context.)

I believe the God of the universe (the creator of all that we know) exemplifies all that is good and his standards are mightier and more worth reveling in than this tiny world's standards. So this week I am looking at why God created specific roles for men and women and why it is important that it remain that way. God has reasons for everything and if we simply take the time to read his Word and find out why he has these reasons, we may actually understand why his reasons are far better than our own.

It is beyond obvious that men and women are built differently physically and emotionally and they have been designed this way for a purpose.

First we need to take into consideration that the Bible talks about submission in a completely different way than our world talks about submission. According to God's word, submission is worthy of honor, it is beautiful, it is a demonstration of love and respect. In no way does it ever imply being a doormat for your husband (or anyone) to walk all over, in no way does it demonstrate any less value than your husband, in no way does it imply that a women has no independence whatsoever. There is also no place in the Bible that says a man is to lord over, command, rule, or govern his wife. The Bible does command man to love (greek = agape) his wife in the same way that God has demonstrated his love for us by sending Jesus Christ. That is an incredible love that is beyond words! He is to have an overwhelming desire to give himself to his wife for her benefit no matter what the cost.

The world's twisted view of a wife's submission to her husband is that a wife is blindly following her husband's commands, he rules over her, she is not valued, respected, or treated with love and honor, and quite frankly - none of that is true. Surprise, surprise, one more thing to add to the world's pile of lies.

So throw all ideas like this out the door, because we are about to get down to the bottom of why a wife's biblical submission is the most beautiful, loving, and wonderful thing a wife possibly do for her husband and to honor the Lord our God, Jesus Christ.

Continue on to Biblical Submission: Created to be his Help Meet