Fear of the Future

Jhn 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

I have always been a very sentimental girl. I own many things that are strictly sentimental value and do not really serve any other purpose than that. I have always been a documenter - writing, taking photos, scrapbooking, etc. Ever since I was a kid I have tried to make the most out of everything I did because I enjoyed life and wanted to embrace it. When I turned 13 I reveled in the fact that I was a teenager. I didn't follow in the footsteps of many teens but I did do things sometimes I think simply because I was a teen - hung posters on my walls, listened to music all day, dressed in "cool" clothing (while still modest), and went to concert after concert after concert. I remember thinking as a teenager that I wanted to stay that way forever. Young, healthy, with very few responsibilities. I was a little Peter Pan if you will ;) Never wanted to grow up. I took it all in, I didn't want to waste any moment of my teen years.

Ever since I watched my Mom take her last breath my appreciation for life has increased even more. So much that I think it has actually begun to have a negative effect on me. I've come to cherish moments so much that I never want to let them go. I want to stop time. I fear getting older (I dreaded turning 22, then 23, and now 24), I fear getting sick, and I fear dying at a relatively young age just as my Mom did. As with most people, it is my desire to grow old and watch my grandchildren grow up. I know that this is not my decision to make though - it is entirely up to God when I will go be with him. Most people my age simply don't think this way, young people expect to live until they are old, so they don't spend too much time thinking about their futures other than what job they will have or the number of children they want. Many people take it for granted that they will one day have grandchildren and even great-grandchildren, but we really don't know that for sure. With my Mom dying at a young age, it has nearly convinced me that I am going to die young also (which is an irrational thing to expect, I know, but nevertheless that is how I think.)

God has blessed me tremendously in my life so far and there are very few things that I would have ever hoped to be different. My life so far has been incredible, to say the least, and I want nothing more than to spend every waking moment of the day glorifying the Lord with all that I do. I cannot do this if I am constantly in fear of the future. Fear is a complete lack of faith.

My desire should first and foremost be a desire to be with Jesus Christ. Yes, family is a wonderful blessing, but I cannot allow myself to love them more than I love God. In reality, they do not even begin to compare to God. I need to look forward to the day that I die and not dread it, because what is in store for me as a believer in Jesus Christ is far greater than anything, even family.

The last week or so I have been realizing that in a short time, my baby girl is no longer going to be a baby. She will never be a baby every again. Now when I hold her I start to feel sadness, knowing that this beautiful stage of life will soon be over and will never return. I look forward to her toddler years but I am also sad that my little baby that I can cradle in my arms is growing so quickly. I wish she could stay a baby for just a while longer.

Even when I was a teenager my Mom called me her baby girl, I have a feeling I will do the same with Zoe. My Mom told me she loved me every single day of my life and she dedicated her life to caring for me and my siblings. My memories from growing up are so precious. I want to create a home filled with beautiful memories for Zoe, just as my Mom did for me.

I cherish every memory I have of my Mom, of my parents when they were together, of my sister dancing around and singing in the living room, of my brother and his obsession with the Muppets and chicken nuggets, all the fun Christmas' we spent together, the places we traveled to... These memories have such a profound effect on the way I live today. I loved my childhood and I really miss it, but being the sentimental person that I am (and was) I don't feel like my childhood wasn't long enough because I embraced it and enjoyed it to the best of my ability. I am in a new stage of life now though and if I don't "live life to its fullest" right now it'll pass me by and I'll wonder what happened to the time.

In the verse above, Jesus is telling his disciples not to fear because as believers in Him, they have nothing to fear. They were afraid of what was to come, but Jesus gave them the peace that they needed. My prayer on this day is that God would grant me the peace that I need to not fear what is to come. I pray that I will be able to cherish the wonderful moments of life and not worry about a time when those moments will be gone. I pray that I can keep an eternal perspective always - the more we realize how short our lives are the more we focus on our purpose - and that is to glorify the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Loving life is a wonderful thing and changes can be extremely hard on a person, but life is FULL of changes and each new change is a new adventure and each new adventure is a way to learn and grow in the Lord and it is a way to create new memories.

I know that I cannot get rid of this fear on my own. If my fear ever goes away it will be entirely God's doing.
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Thankful Thursday

Five random things that I am thankful for this week:

1) Birthdays. I'm so glad we celebrate birthdays. It is a great way to get family & friends together. This past week was Gage's Aunt Debbie's 50th birthday, we had a lot of fun at her party.
2) The camera in my phone. It has been extremely useful in the past couple of weeks when I'm out shopping. I can take a photo of an item I want to buy for someone (so that I don't forget about it), or something to add to my wish list or something to keep in mind for future gifts.
3) Free shipping in addition to major discounts. So many websites are offering it now because of the Christmas season. It is enabling us to buy more expensive gifts for people than we would be able to do otherwise.
4) My daughter Zoe's new interest in exploring the living room.
5) Revelation. Very fascinating book! I am reading it right now.

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What is Biblical Submission?

This week I am taking a look at what Biblical Submission is and what it is not. The word submit in today's society is not used very often. We submit to those who are in authority of us - the police, our boss at work, the President, etc. However, the hot topic these days is the idea of the husband being in any authority over the wife. This idea is now intolerable in our society thanks to the feminist movement which proudly proclaims that the place of the woman is to be in the exact same position as the man. After all, aren't we all created as equals? (By the way, where did this idea of being "created" and the idea of equality come from in the first place? The Bible. But it has been severely taken out of context.)

I believe the God of the universe (the creator of all that we know) exemplifies all that is good and his standards are mightier and more worth reveling in than this tiny world's standards. So this week I am looking at why God created specific roles for men and women and why it is important that it remain that way. God has reasons for everything and if we simply take the time to read his Word and find out why he has these reasons, we may actually understand why his reasons are far better than our own.

It is beyond obvious that men and women are built differently physically and emotionally and they have been designed this way for a purpose.

First we need to take into consideration that the Bible talks about submission in a completely different way than our world talks about submission. According to God's word, submission is worthy of honor, it is beautiful, it is a demonstration of love and respect. In no way does it ever imply being a doormat for your husband (or anyone) to walk all over, in no way does it demonstrate any less value than your husband, in no way does it imply that a women has no independence whatsoever. There is also no place in the Bible that says a man is to lord over, command, rule, or govern his wife. The Bible does command man to love (greek = agape) his wife in the same way that God has demonstrated his love for us by sending Jesus Christ. That is an incredible love that is beyond words! He is to have an overwhelming desire to give himself to his wife for her benefit no matter what the cost.

The world's twisted view of a wife's submission to her husband is that a wife is blindly following her husband's commands, he rules over her, she is not valued, respected, or treated with love and honor, and quite frankly - none of that is true. Surprise, surprise, one more thing to add to the world's pile of lies.

So throw all ideas like this out the door, because we are about to get down to the bottom of why a wife's biblical submission is the most beautiful, loving, and wonderful thing a wife possibly do for her husband and to honor the Lord our God, Jesus Christ.

Continue on to Biblical Submission: Created to be his Help Meet

Fall, Pumpkins, and Zoe

I have not had a lot of time to write blogs lately. I blame it on my "messy" house that was in major need of cleaning and organizing. This entire week I have been tackling one thing after another and life is not seeming so hectic right now, which is wonderful! I think the season of Autumn itself is just less stressful. The mixture of the warm colors in the trees and the cool breeze in the air is just so peaceful. The only thing that is a little tough to get used to is the sunset coming much too early! Even with that though, I am truly enjoying this season.

We went to the Pumpkin Patch and to an Autumn Festival a couple weeks ago. I decorated my house a little with some autumn leaf garlands and candles which smell lovely.

I have also discovered a love of Pumpkins this year! Here are a few reasons why pumpkins are "the bomb". They are orange - which automatically makes them awesome. They look great on your front porch or doorstep, hehe. They provide a reason for a fun annual outing with the family - to the Pumpkin Patch. These pumpkin patches also provide a great photo opportunity when you have a little baby ;o) Seriously, just check your friends with babies pages on MySpace and Facebook and you're guaranteed to find at least one baby sitting next to or ON a pumpkin! I've seen 5 so far.

Pumpkin Lattes, Pumpkin Pie, Pumpkin Bread/Muffins, Pumpkin decorations for your home, Pumpkin scented candles... I just love them! They are round and cute too :)

Aside from Pumpkins, I'm enjoying the changing leaves and watching them fall. I've enjoyed watching Zoe discover leaves, hay, and rocks. She looks at them so intently and with a slightly confused look on her face.

I took some pictures of Zoe sitting in our leaf covered lawn a few days ago. She only looked up at me a couple times! She was studying all the leaves around her and picking up as many as she could. Have I mentioned before that my daughter is adorable? Well she is! Her smile makes me jump for joy and her laugh makes my heart melt. I love her dearly.

Gage is currently at work and Zoe is sleeping. Gage and I eat dinner pretty late usually because he works from 4-10 and 3:30 is just too early for dinner :) I pureed a whole bag of green beans today for Zoe. She has enough to last her a whole week. The Magic Bullet that we got as a Wedding gift is really coming in handy now.

Other things we have been up to lately:

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• Gage finished his accelerated Psychology class - with an A!
• Zoe is very close to crawling. She can get up on her hands and feet (not so much her knees...haha) but she doesn't know what to do past that.
  
• We finally bought Penny (our dog) a kennel. We've only put her in it twice but she's done well both times!
  
• We bought a new furniture item. We bought this Cube Collection (in a dark cherry red color, not the white) along with the tan fabric cube drawers to put in it. I love it! We bought it with the intent of putting Zoe's toys in it so our dog cannot get to them.
• I have been trying new recipes :) Finally.
  
• Gage is now officially working part-time for his Dad... who pays him triple what he makes at the grocery store he works at.
  
• Zoe is all set with winter clothes, thanks to Grandma Jenny and Great-Grandma (Nana) Sandy
• We finally bought plane tickets to go to CA in a month. I'm going to be in a Wedding! :)
  

Changing Seasons

Seasons are new to me. I grew up in Southern California where there are basically the Summer months and the non-Summer months. During Fall and Winter in Southern California it rains more (which is hardly any at all) and it is slightly cooler than it is in Spring and Summer. That period of non-Summer was my favorite though. It was never humid, the air was cool and fresh and there was always a slight breeze. A couple of days when I was outside swinging with Zoe as I normally do in the evening, I noticed that the humidity was gone, the weather was cooler, and there was a slight breeze...it reminded me of California weather and words cannot describe how amazingly happy it made me feel. I also noticed one other thing that evening, for the first time in my life I am excited for Fall and even Winter (the first half anyway - winter lasts 6 months here).

For the majority of my life I've never dealt with snow or changing leaves (mostly because of the lack of trees in San Diego), there was no need to buy a winter coat or pack or unpack winter clothes, there were no special recipes we had for the different seasons, I never once carved a pumpkin or picked apples to make Apple pie. I never participated in winter sports of any kind and I never had a garden of my own. I now understand why my Mom always talked about how she wanted to move to a place with seasons (which she did!). Part of me always wished that I grew up in a place with real seasons. There is so much more to life with Seasons! I would prefer it if winter didn't last half the year but I am grateful that we at least have winter here as opposed to no winter in San Diego.

I am so happy that Zoe is going to have the opportunity to grow up with the different seasons! She is going to have such happy memories associated with them. I lived in Kentucky for one year when I was 15 and those memories stick with me more than many others from my childhood because of the seasons. Maybe it'll be different for her because she's going to grow up with them but I don't know... a lot of people I've met here seem to really enjoy the seasons and actually look forward to them.